serious people with serious glasses

I have been overdue for my annual eye exam for about 3 months now. I try to delay as much as possible because it is so discouraging to have your eyes checked. A reminder that your body is slowly failing you. And I'm only 24! Today wasn't so ridden with thoughts of my slow degeneration as other visits have been because I am learning to find humor in it all. But humor is lacking in a place filled with serious people who wear their serious glasses.


----Lemme break it down for you----

As I walked into the office today, prepared for judgment day, I immediately noticed the awesome glasses the doctor was wearing. "Oh great, she will be my judge. And look at her glasses so much better than mine."

So I head back into the pre-examination room and get ready for the series of tests. Let me just insert a word about the need for specific directions. When the doctor asks you "what is the smallest line of letters that you can read?" What she really means is "read that to me". I responded with "the bottom or the second to the bottom" And then she says flatly, "okay why don't you try reading it". Out loud? To you? And then fear strikes my heart as I realize how very similar all the letters begin to look when you are put on the spot like that. And I said "C" but my brain meant to say "Z". And I wish I would have lied and said I can only read the big E at the top. Can I go now?

No, I can't leave. It's time to do the puff of air test. My left eye failed, which I think translates to "it blinked and we have to do this again". I am probably the patient who needs to be locked in the chair and have her eye lids taped open because I can never keep my eyes from blinking. I think its a natural response to close your eyes whenever a huge machine fires a direct shot of air.

When the doctor saw my glasses and I told her they were probably 3 or 4 years old  her response was "Whoa that's old". Thank you. I wanted to laugh but I could tell she did not consider this a laughing matter.

"I'm going to shine this bright light in your eyes". At no other time in life is this okay. I'm going to almost blind you with my flashlight of death and you will pay me $89 to do this. K?

And then comes the worst part of an eye exam for someone who is a people pleaser.

The "which one is better 1 or 2?

3or 4?

2or 3?

Stop saying numbers to me.

I usually just go with a gut response--"ahhhh 1". "ahhhh 2" And sometimes they look the same. But if you show even a half second of hesitation she will only repeat the same options. I want to ask "which option do you like?" but again this is no laughing matter to eye doctors. They are serious people with serious glasses.

Now that the exam is over relief has flooded my soul. I passed-for the most part. A whole year can pass  before I have to face again my failing eyesight. In the meantime I think I will memorize a copy of that eye chart.