dealing well with disappointment

I read an interview the other week with Jennifer Knapp. It ushered me into a place of unexpected emotions. Anger, confusion, and disappointment swirled around in my head along with a myriad of thoughts. Unexpected because this emotion was aimed at the interviewer, not Jennifer Knapp. I was angry at the way the interviewer posed his questions. He even prefaced one with "I understand, but I'm curious....."  No, you don't understand if the guiding purpose of your question is to satisfy your curiosity. Why did he feel compelled to clarify if she traveled alone or with her partner? Why ask how long they have been together? How do the answers to these questions help us love Christ or love one another? They don't, they only allow us to gather stones.

Maybe the interviewer was attempting to reconcile his faith with her choice. Maybe he was attempting to navigate the tension between expectation and disappointment.

We are all wanting the Easter morning story. Tell us your stories of struggle but only if there is victory at the end. If Jennifer Knapp came out and then in the same interview said by the blood of Christ she overcame those desires and is now happily married to a man with 2.5 kids the Christian community would hail her as a hero of the faith. But that isn't her story. And we don't know what to do with that. And maybe I don't know what to do with that.

This is the story of our faith.
Death defeated. Yet we still die
Sin conquered. Yet our backs still ache with its weight
A promised living hope. Yet despair is a daily acquaintance

I heard a song recently by Noah Gundersen. Cover your ears about 1:37 seconds into it. Just warning you. The honesty of his questions gripped me and left an unsettling feeling. I originally found this on someone's blog and the comments were your typical "I'll be praying for Noah". Why is that our first reaction when someone has experienced profound disappointment with our faith? Why not examine our hearts and repent of the sins that may have contributed to his disappointment? 

If we are called to be rooted in community this means we share in one another joys as well as (and maybe even more so) in the brokenness and disappointed hopes that litter the landscape of our faith. Our savior conquered but He also suffered well. Doubt seems to be the ever present shadow of faith. There is beauty in our story. There is mystery. There is certainty but there is also a terrifying unknown. There is disappointment but there is also steadfast hope. 

May we learn to walk well the tightrope between disappointment and hope. This is the story of our faith. It is a beautiful mess of redemption.

graveyards

Is this a graveyard to bury her heart or is it a garden where new life will start?

This question posed by Sleeping at Last's song "Keep No Score" reverberates in my mind as Easter approaches. Why does God seem to promise life only after a death has occurred?  Ever feel like there are some years when your need for Easter feels more prominent than in years past? This is my year.

I've known of the gospel story for most of my life but somehow this year is different for me. January and February were months that appeared to be marked by death. The trees held lifeless branches. The skies were gray. The ground was cracked posing threat to any flower that would dare grow. There were a few weeks when the wind chapped my skin (and you know how angry I am when I am cold). The hope of spring was so far away.

Then one Sunday morning I saw a wildflower. Then a patch of wildflowers. Bright reds and blues sprinkled the once brown barren landscape. The sun began to shine with more intensity.  Every year I am shocked when spring finds its way past winters threat. To breathe life into what has been dead. To bring hope in despair.  To remind me that there is always life after death.

Is this a graveyard to bury her heart or is it a garden where new life will start?       

What seems like death is really an invitation to greater life. 

happy easter. 

He is risen. 

amen and amen